I love going to church. I want to go every Sunday. I want to teach the lords words........The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is one of the best things in my life...and i cant even do that right. I love all of my brothers and sisters at church. I wish I could be more like them. I know that Christ lives, I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I know that this church is true. I just wish i was able to believe in myself. I know that this is not the best way to talk to my lord but it sure makes me feel better to have my words written down. I want my family to attend church everyday. but with me i need familiar faces and my husband. After Bobby was baptised we were going to church. but once we were comfortable more familiar faces move. I know that I need to go for the lord and savior. but with me i need comfort, I do have the comfort of the Lord, but when you don't hardly know anyone you feel like the odd ball out. My two Best Friends (Erin and Rainy) in this world left. They were my rock. I didn't attend church just for them but having them around, with friends like that sure made it easier. i know that sounds stupid. Rainy: still around but has changed. Erin: mission, marriage, Texas. I know everything changes as we grow up, but I have never been the kind that liked or take change very well. I still know a couple of people there but only one that is around my age from my past always heard she didn't like me very well, never understood that because I always and still thought she was a really nice and sweet talented person. But for now I feel like I don't belong. I hate feeling this way. I need my church. I dream of going to the temple and being sealed as a family, I have never had my patriarchtical blessing. Bobby believes in it all, he just needs a little push. He is more shy than I am. He has been a member for 3 years and in that time he has never said his prayer in front of me or our kids. He can't give talks, i don't mean won't , he can't. He wants to go to listen to the lords words to try to understand them. and when one person asks him to say the pray he says no and then feels bad and can't face them anymore for awhile. And Bobby is my familiar. With Bobby as the patriarch of the family I feel I need to follow him. I need to follow my lord. I make excuses for bobby when all I want to say to him is get up and go to church, not just sacrament but classes as well. I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE!!! But at the same time I don't feel worthy. Look Bobby and I has lived together and had a child out of wed lock. I regret that, but not my daughter. I wish I would have done things different. but I didn't and know I have to feel this way for the rest of my life. I can say that we don't smoke, do drugs, or drink so we do have that going for us. I just now need to do more with my life especially now. Since 2006 I have personally be diagnosed with diabetes, non alcoholic fatty liver disease, high blood pressure, and just recently had MRSA which put me out of commission for awhile. Still fighting with the diabetes but has almost beaten the liver disease and high blood pressure. I do pray with my children every night i just wish Bobby would pray and attend church with us. I live by the word of wisdom except i don't pay my tithing like I should. Please Heavenly Father Help me and my family.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
One of the Best Things in my life.
I love going to church. I want to go every Sunday. I want to teach the lords words........The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is one of the best things in my life...and i cant even do that right. I love all of my brothers and sisters at church. I wish I could be more like them. I know that Christ lives, I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I know that this church is true. I just wish i was able to believe in myself. I know that this is not the best way to talk to my lord but it sure makes me feel better to have my words written down. I want my family to attend church everyday. but with me i need familiar faces and my husband. After Bobby was baptised we were going to church. but once we were comfortable more familiar faces move. I know that I need to go for the lord and savior. but with me i need comfort, I do have the comfort of the Lord, but when you don't hardly know anyone you feel like the odd ball out. My two Best Friends (Erin and Rainy) in this world left. They were my rock. I didn't attend church just for them but having them around, with friends like that sure made it easier. i know that sounds stupid. Rainy: still around but has changed. Erin: mission, marriage, Texas. I know everything changes as we grow up, but I have never been the kind that liked or take change very well. I still know a couple of people there but only one that is around my age from my past always heard she didn't like me very well, never understood that because I always and still thought she was a really nice and sweet talented person. But for now I feel like I don't belong. I hate feeling this way. I need my church. I dream of going to the temple and being sealed as a family, I have never had my patriarchtical blessing. Bobby believes in it all, he just needs a little push. He is more shy than I am. He has been a member for 3 years and in that time he has never said his prayer in front of me or our kids. He can't give talks, i don't mean won't , he can't. He wants to go to listen to the lords words to try to understand them. and when one person asks him to say the pray he says no and then feels bad and can't face them anymore for awhile. And Bobby is my familiar. With Bobby as the patriarch of the family I feel I need to follow him. I need to follow my lord. I make excuses for bobby when all I want to say to him is get up and go to church, not just sacrament but classes as well. I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE!!! But at the same time I don't feel worthy. Look Bobby and I has lived together and had a child out of wed lock. I regret that, but not my daughter. I wish I would have done things different. but I didn't and know I have to feel this way for the rest of my life. I can say that we don't smoke, do drugs, or drink so we do have that going for us. I just now need to do more with my life especially now. Since 2006 I have personally be diagnosed with diabetes, non alcoholic fatty liver disease, high blood pressure, and just recently had MRSA which put me out of commission for awhile. Still fighting with the diabetes but has almost beaten the liver disease and high blood pressure. I do pray with my children every night i just wish Bobby would pray and attend church with us. I live by the word of wisdom except i don't pay my tithing like I should. Please Heavenly Father Help me and my family.
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